Five Things on Friday - Gifts for the Geek Girl

Last year, I did this post on geek gifts from Etsy and I had so much fun, I knew I wanted to do it again. And this year, with a little more warning. So, are you ready FiFi? Are you psyched?

The Scattered Mind 2012 Geek Girls Gift Guide

1. For the Friend who Wears a Lot of Inexplicable Buckles - I've been in love with this Steampunk Bee necklace for weeks. I love the little watchy bits. And the way it hangs from the wings. This can be found in the Cosmic Firefly shop and let me tell you, honey: steampunk animals galore. Can I just say that anything with an octopus is wicked cool? Octopi and owls rule my little world. But even if the mechimals aren't your thing, there's plenty of steampunky goodness. Including tie clips and cuff links if your geek girl is actually a geek guy.

2. For the Girl Who Swears Bowties are Cool - One of my weird passions lately has been stuff that's sort of undercover geek. Like pretty inside jokes. And this Henna Police Box Pashmina is about the pretties thing I've ever seen. Honestly, I've never even wanted a pashmina until I saw this on from Geekiana. If you like the design but aren't exactly pashmina people, she's got it on bags, hoodies and just about everything. And there's other stuff, too. I'm just not sure who wouldn't be totally sucked in by this... On the other hand, there's some nice "Hello Sweetie" hoodies and another lovely Tardis Sugar Skull design. All in all, this one is a genius.

3. For the Friend who is Constantly Declaring Things to Be "Shiny" - Also, under the heading of undercover geek, falls this lovely Firefly Necklace sporting the Serenity symbol. If you aren't into Firefly, however, please don't fret, because this jewelry maker has got almost every major geek group in the 'verse. Peace of Shine boasts designs from Captain America, World of Warcraft, Harry Potter, the Dresden novels, Doctor Who, The Hunger Games, The Lord of the Rings, and pirates. Just 'cause Pirates are cool.

4. For the Actual Geek, as in Person Who Knows Something About Science - This very pretty Galaxy Nebula Cosmetic Bag from Toostys will be pretty in any purse or bag. If the lady in question doesn't actually use all that many cosmetics, get it anyway. This would be an awesome bag for her collection of LipSmackers, her crochet hooks, her pens and sharpies or any other knickknackies she needs to carry.


5. For the Classicly Geek Girl - Brynna and I have been reading The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy together. We just finished it last night. And she immediately begged me to move on and read some from the The Restaurant at the End of the Universe. This Don't Panic Necklace and Earrings with it's calm font and bonus dangling "42" reminds us once and for all that all the accumulated knowledge in the entire galaxy can be found in a nice, compact, ereader. (Before ereaders were invented, I might add.) In addition to this fine homage to one of the best books ever written, Scrap and Smith carries a wide array of weirdness. Most of it not connected to any particular geekdom, but you definitely can't call all those eyeballs and teeth mainstream.



Now go out there and shop till you drop.

Why Can't Kids Smile

A few weeks ago, my brother, D, got a new bike. Now, understand that when I say bike, I mean Harley Davidson Road King. It's a bike like a broadsword is a letter opener, but alas, this is the vernacular.

In any case, he wanted to take pictures of the girls sitting on said bike. First, Brynna. She hopped on, struck a pose and smiled like a runway model. Strike that, runway models don't smile. She smiled like a tooth whitening commerical model. She made it look good, in other words.

Next Maren. Now for a little background information. Maren wants a motorcycle. Maren's favorite peice of clothing in the whole of the universe is a long-sleeved motorcycle tee that I bought her in the boys' section. She has a gallon wine jug (don't ask) that she is filling up with change so that she can buy one when she turns 18. She obsesses. She picks them out of magazines, comments on them passing in traffic. She is the queen of the two-wheeled motorized vehicle fan club.

She hops on the bike. Her face contorts into a rictus of pain and agony. Her eyes scrunch up, her cheeks bulge, her mouth stretches in obvious distress. Her head ducks down until her chin meets her chest. "Do I look boo-tiful?" she asks. And, of course, we all say yes.

D looks at me and I explain that every kid goes through a stage of 3-5 years where their idea of posing for a picture is roughly equivalent to a woodcarving of medival torture victims. "They grow out of it," I shrug. "Look at Brynna."

Today, I received her fall school pictures. I should thank my lucky stars, because the photographer somehow managed to make it look like she wasn't about to be drawn and quartered. Instead she just looks weird. And you know, I guess in a way, that's what makes these pictures so precious. The capture of my little penguin's complete and utter weirdness. And it's preservation forever. Mwhahahaha!

I'm sorta uncomfortable.

Yeah, this just isn't working for me.

*Okay, so this is a keeper*

A Song by a Band (or Person) I Love

I'm going to attempt to do this memey thing called 30 Days of Song. I will not post this every day, because oh-my-pants-I'm-bored-already. Instead I'll post once or twice a week, as I feel like. So there. I am unrepentantly stealing this from Jen O. at My Tornado Alley. She rocks. I'm not sure if she stole it from somewhere, but here we go. 

A Song from Your Favorite Band

So, I'm not sure that I can say I have a favorite band. I really don't have a favorite anything. I like a lot of things and I love a lot of things, but to say that I like any one thing above and beyond all other things - in't gonna happen.

But, I'm truly doing this whole meme thing because of number 32 on my 34 Things to do While I'm 34. Listen to music and quit believing that nothing good has been produced since I graduated college. And I'm working on it. Despite the Sarah McLachlan, Counting Crows and R.E.M. listed below. Really.

So, currently, I'm in love with Kate Nash. I love her happy-schmappy sound mixed up with her not so happy-schmappy lyrics. I love her voice. I love her look and her crazy videos. You know how Billie Piper was a pop star before she was on Doctor Who? I want Kate Nash on Doctor Who. And right now, I love "Later On."



Day 1 - Your Favorite Song - White Blank Page
Day 2 - Your Least Favorite Song - Barbie Girl
Day 3 -  A Song that Makes You Happy - Birdhouse in Your Soul
Day 4 - A Song that Makes You Sad - Anna Begins
Day 5 - A Song that Reminds you of Someone - Friend of the Devil
Day 6 - A Song that Reminds you of Somewhere - Least Complicated
Day 7 - A Song that Reminds You of a Certain Event - Mrs. Potter's Lullaby
Day 8 - A Song that You Know All the Words To  - It's the End of the World as We Know It
Day 9 - A Song that You Can Dance to - Some Nights
Day 10 - A Song that Makes you Fall Asleep  - Ice Cream
Day 11 - A Song from your Favorite Band - Later On (today)
Day 12 - A Song from a band you Hate
Day 13 - A Song that is a Guilty Pleasure
Day 14 - A Song that No One Would Expect you to Love
Day 15 - A Song that Describes You
Day 16 - A Song that You Used to Love but Now Hate
Day 17 - A Song that You Hear Often on the Radio
Day 18 - A Song that You Wish You Heard on the Radio
Day 19 - A Song from your Favorite Album
Day 20 - A Song that You Listen to When You're Angry
Day 21 - A Song that you Listen to when You're Happy
Day 22 - A Song that you Listen to when You're Sad
Day 23 - A Song that you Want to Play at your Wedding
Day 24 - A Song that you Want to Play at your Funeral
Day 25 - A Song that Makes you Laugh
Day 26 - A Song that you Can Play on an Instrument
Day 27 - A Song that you Wish you Could Play
Day 28 - A Song that Makes you Feel Guilty
Day 29 - A Song from Your Childhood
Day 30 - Your Favorite Song at this Time Last Year

I Blame My Advancing Age

Once I had a 4.2 GPA. I was involved in all kinds of clubs and organizations and although I would have described myself as "a little shy," everyone knew me. Understand, that I don't say this in a bragging way. A few people "knew" me as that girl who dated the heroin addict and then got pregnant. (Note: None of that happened.) Some people knew me as the girl who drove a Bick. This is true. The "u" fell off the car. But most people had some inkling of who I was.

Then I went to college. And well, the college I went to was roughly half the size of my high school, so I can say pretty strongly that a lot of people knew me and I knew a lot of people. The alumni magazine is (I kid you not) my most interesting piece of mail.

Then I changed colleges and became a hermit. It's okay, because I still had classes with people and was still an insufferable know-it-all, so more people knew me.

Then I went to work for a large, local volunteer driven non-profit. I was in charge of the huge, relatively famous fundraiser. Lots and lots of people knew me.

But the thing is that I don't have the memory God gave a gnat. It's hereditary mostly. My whole family does that Da-Duw-Ca-Ma-Jessi thing. My mom and I had a conversation this weekend where she asked me if this actress was Maureen O'Hara. I kept saying that I didn't know and she kept incredulously asking, "What do you mean, you don't know if that's Maureen O'Hara?" Finally, at my wits end, I reminded her that the movie in question came out when I was negative 20 and I didn't know Maureen O'Hara from a hole in the wall. See, she thought that she had conversed with me about Maureen O'Hara recently. I don't know if she ever figured out who was on the other end of that chat.

So, here are the facts:

• People know me
• I don't remember people
• I try to be kind and never-ever a bitch

This means that people wave or smile or tip their hats or slap my face with a glove all the time. All. The. Time. (Except for the hats and gloves.) And I may have a vague feeling of "Hey, I think I know that guy. We went to high school together. Maybe. I think he had a black backpack. Or a black truck." (Note: that describes roughly one half of my senior class.) But I never remember anything really pertinent. Like names. 

This weekend, while on a quest for cheesecake with Morgan, we saw a young girl. She was about Morgan's age and dressed very fashionably. Cute, fresh-faced. Young is what I'm getting at here. Young.

She waved. 

I waved. 

I realized that Morgan had just waved.

I realized that obviously, she was waving at Morgan. 

I spent fifteen minutes explaining to Morgan how I always just wave back because I'm a horrible person who probably has forgotten you already, but I try, I swear. I mean, I work really hard at it, because I like people, so long as they are not all in a crowd and I don't ever want to hurt anyone's feelings and I feel like such a jerk waving to people I don't really know, but I would feel like a much bigger jerk if I didn't wave to people I know. It's really a problem and what was your name again?

It's funny, sometimes I feel much younger than I am. Sort of invincible, like when you're seventeen and you're convinced you can do anything. Then something like this happens and I realize that I'm 34 going on 75. At least I've got a good start on my dementia.

Hi There and Peekaboo

Olly-olly-oxen-free!*

Didja miss me? I've been hiding.

I can't necessarily explain from what I've been hiding. The internet? The world? My own sick and twisted psyche? All of the above?

In any case, this is me, emerging from my hiding place. And rather than be all ashamed that I disappeared (again) I'm going to instead tease you about how you couldn't find me. I had the best place ever, you guys. You wouldn't have found me even if we played for a year!

So... Let's see. What did I do while in hiding:

• A million loads of laundry. Washed, dried and piled up messily on my baking table. No baking for me!
• DVR cleaning. I am down to 60% used. Which, I know, but still. So much better than the 80% I was hovering at. I finally finished watching the last season of Copper and I'm all caught up on American Horror Story: Asylum. 
• Cooked a lot. For Thanksgiving and stuff. 
• Invented a new drink. It was terrible though.
• Began moving the craft supplies out of my bedroom. I moved them to my kitchen table, so I can't eat the things that I can't bake, but I'm working on that. A few items a day and I'll have it all cleaned off by March. I swear.
• Almost all of my Christmas shopping. For reallies. I've only got about three more things to buy. And a bunch more to make, but you know.

What I didn't do was Twitter, Facebook or read blogs. So catch me up. What did I miss and what were you doing while I was in hiding?

*Can anyone explain to me what free oxen have to do with Hide-and-Go-Seek. I've never been able to figure that one out.

Sir Jessi and the Quest for Peanut Butter

So, my tiny little town has no grocery to speak of. We have a gas station that is better stocked with essentials than most. And a butcher.

The larger town nearest me used to have a Super Wal-Mart and a Kroger store. I didn't hate either one. I mean, they each have their challenges, but whatever, they were fine. If I needed groceries, I went to Kroger. If I needed some groceries and a shower curtain and a pair of bedroom slippers, I went to Wal-Mart. It didn't happen often, but it did happen.

But then, the unthinkable happened. Super Kroger was announced. Super. Kroger. Now see, this I hate. Why? I mean, I don't hate Super Wal-Mart, so why should I hate Super Kroger? I'll tell you why. Because now there is no grocery store in town. Oh sure, there are places to get groceries. But let's say that I just need groceries, now I don't have a place to go and get them in peace.

I am now forced to hike the 20 miles through the store. Also, if I do need a shower curtain, it's going to be roughly twice as much as at the big W.

I avoided it for almost a full week. I wanted to crowd to die down. I wanted to get a good parking space without an hour of cruising. I wanted to wake up and realize that it was all just a horrible dream.

Finally, I had to go shopping for Grandpa. About once a week, Grandpa hands me his list and sends me out to do their shopping. His list is predictable and simple. I can usually get through the store in a little less than a half hour.

So, I started down the line. Bananas - check. Raisins - check. Tissues - check. Pork roast - check. Wait, did I miss the oatmeal? As I wandered helplessly through the store, I picked up most of the items on the list by sheer luck, because in addition to moving EVERYTHING, the aisles don't line up and things make no logical sense. Furthermore - I hate change, get off my lawn and put on a damn coat.

Eventually, I had found everything except peanut butter. Such a simple thing, peanut butter. I had been all the way through the store twice, so when I spotted a manager that I knew, I stopped and asked him where I could find the peanut butter.

"Between aisle 2 and 4." He never even looked up at me. No eye contact, no nothing.

So, off I went. So the even aisles are in the back of the store and the odd aisles in the front of the store. Between aisle 2 and 4 is... um... Is this like a Platform 9 3/4 kind of thing?

In the old store, peanut butter was near the jelly. Here was the jelly, but no peanut butter. Just as I was about to give up, a young man walked by in a vesty thing.

"Hi. Can you tell me where the peanut butter is?"

"Sure. It's up there with the organic stuff."

"I don't want organic peanut butter. Just plain ole peanut butter."

"It's all up there."

So, off to the organic items I wandered. Strangely, although I found organic peanut butter, I found absolutely no normal peanut butter. Now, I was kinda mad.

I stalked over to the bakery and stood in line.

"Can I help you sweetie?"

"I'm looking for peanut butter and I've been sent all over the store and I'm not leaving here without peanut butter. Please."

The woman in the bakery whips out a map!, informs that it's in aisle 14 and then hands me the map. Seriously.

I got the peanut butter, a pretty good workout and plenty of fodder for my first (of many, I'm sure) letters to Kroger.

Not that it matters. That place is hell and I'm never going back.

Except for Thanksgiving, I suppose.

*headdesk*

A Song that Makes Me Slightly Sleepier than Usual

I'm going to attempt to do this memey thing called 30 Days of Song. I will not post this every day, because oh-my-pants-I'm-bored-already. Instead I'll post once or twice a week, as I feel like. So there. I am unrepentantly stealing this from Jen O. at My Tornado Alley. She rocks. I'm not sure if she stole it from somewhere, but here we go. 

A Song that Makes You Fall Asleep

Um... Well, any? I sleep with the radio on, so a song that puts me to sleep is pretty much anything other than Nine Inch Nails. Also? I could fall asleep to Nine Inch Nails if I had been working/kid raising/cooking/cleaning all day. Like, you know, normal. The thing is that very little keeps me from going to sleep. If I have a superpower, it's being able to sleep no matter what.

That said, I think the biggest sleep inducing song in the world is "Ice Cream," by Sarah McLachlan.



Day 1 - Your Favorite Song - White Blank Page
Day 2 - Your Least Favorite Song - Barbie Girl
Day 3 -  A Song that Makes You Happy
Day 4 - A Song that Makes You Sad
Day 5 - A Song that Reminds you of Someone
Day 6 - A Song that Reminds you of Somewhere
Day 7 - A Song that Reminds You of a Certain Event
Day 8 - A Song that You Know All the Words To 
Day 9 - A Song that You Can Dance to 
Day 10 - A Song that Makes you Fall Asleep (today)
Day 11 - A Song from your Favorite Band
Day 12 - A Song from a band you Hate
Day 13 - A Song that is a Guilty Pleasure
Day 14 - A Song that No One Would Expect you to Love
Day 15 - A Song that Describes You
Day 16 - A Song that You Used to Love but Now Hate
Day 17 - A Song that You Hear Often on the Radio
Day 18 - A Song that You Wish You Heard on the Radio
Day 19 - A Song from your Favorite Album
Day 20 - A Song that You Listen to When You're Angry
Day 21 - A Song that you Listen to when You're Happy
Day 22 - A Song that you Listen to when You're Sad
Day 23 - A Song that you Want to Play at your Wedding
Day 24 - A Song that you Want to Play at your Funeral
Day 25 - A Song that Makes you Laugh
Day 26 - A Song that you Can Play on an Instrument
Day 27 - A Song that you Wish you Could Play
Day 28 - A Song that Makes you Feel Guilty
Day 29 - A Song from Your Childhood
Day 30 - Your Favorite Song at this Time Last Year

Small Town Polling

As I was walking to the City Hall this morning to cast my vote, a friend of mine passed me by. "Oh, my husband is running for City Commissioner on a write in," she said. "I wasn't sure you knew."

No, no I did not. I thanked her for the info and headed into the building. There, I did the normal small town thing (or at least the normal antisocial small town thing) where they could remember my street address, but not my name. This is the sort of thing that would creep me out in another context.*

In any case, a few short moments later, I was sitting in the little electronic booth. There was no line. This one of many fine advantages of living in a place with a population of less than 500. As I scrolled carefully through my choices, making selections and shaking my head at the lack of choices. (Seriously, I considered writing in a pop star for Senate. Just because I'm so freakin' tired of those guys.) And then, finally, I reached the section for City Commissioner.

"Choose four," read the instructions. Which was funny because there appeared to be only two people running. I made my choices.

Then, because I hadn't chosen four, I briefly considered writing myself in. For symmetry, I suppose. But then, I realized that there was a very real chance I'd end up winning. Only in a small town.

The moral of the tale is VOTE. Right now, seriously, I mean it. All the cool kids are doing it. Go. Now.

*Like if you were at the mall and some stranger walked up to you and said, "Hey, don't you live at 1411 Walnut Street?**"

**Not my real address. That probably didn't need to be said.

A Song I Can... Ha! Sorry, Dance To

I'm going to attempt to do this memey thing called 30 Days of Song. I will not post this every day, because oh-my-pants-I'm-bored-already. Instead I'll post once or twice a week, as I feel like. So there. I am unrepentantly stealing this from Jen O. at My Tornado Alley. She rocks. I'm not sure if she stole it from somewhere, but here we go. 

A Song that I Can Dance to

Hi, I'm not sure we've met. My name is Jessi. Once, in college, I decided to take ballet. Because I was stupid, I guess. Anyway, it was a natural disaster. The teacher didn't make me dance in the end of the semester recital-type thing because I was so bad that she didn't want to inflict me on anyone else. It was terrible.

Also, I can't dance. Not just ballet, but when I try to slow dance, I lead. When I dance by myself, which is really safer, I can't seem to pick up my feet. I'm a shoulder-hip, occasional floaty Grateful Dead hands dancer. I am right and truly terrible. I should be banned in dancing establishments. I used to like mosh pits because no one was watching you.

Have I sufficiently made my point here?

Okay, then. In the meantime, I've started listening to a pop-type station, because my kids like it and it keeps them from eating each other in the car. I am not even kidding. In the midst of my torture, I've discovered a few songs I like. (Weird, right?) And one particular song that makes it impossible for my little hiney to sit still. Here is that song, because it's the best I can do. A song that makes me wish I could dance in public.



Day 1 - Your Favorite Song - White Blank Page
Day 2 - Your Least Favorite Song - Barbie Girl
Day 3 -  A Song that Makes You Happy
Day 4 - A Song that Makes You Sad
Day 5 - A Song that Reminds you of Someone
Day 6 - A Song that Reminds you of Somewhere
Day 7 - A Song that Reminds You of a Certain Event
Day 8 - A Song that You Know All the Words To 
Day 9 - A Song that You Can Dance to (today)
Day 10 - A Song that Makes you Fall Asleep
Day 11 - A Song from your Favorite Band
Day 12 - A Song from a band you Hate
Day 13 - A Song that is a Guilty Pleasure
Day 14 - A Song that No One Would Expect you to Love
Day 15 - A Song that Describes You
Day 16 - A Song that You Used to Love but Now Hate
Day 17 - A Song that You Hear Often on the Radio
Day 18 - A Song that You Wish You Heard on the Radio
Day 19 - A Song from your Favorite Album
Day 20 - A Song that You Listen to When You're Angry
Day 21 - A Song that you Listen to when You're Happy
Day 22 - A Song that you Listen to when You're Sad
Day 23 - A Song that you Want to Play at your Wedding
Day 24 - A Song that you Want to Play at your Funeral
Day 25 - A Song that Makes you Laugh
Day 26 - A Song that you Can Play on an Instrument
Day 27 - A Song that you Wish you Could Play
Day 28 - A Song that Makes you Feel Guilty
Day 29 - A Song from Your Childhood
Day 30 - Your Favorite Song at this Time Last Year

Five Things on Fridays - Vampire Girls Edition

It occurs to me that I talk a lot about vampire boys. Because they are pretty. And make my eyelids flutter. But I thought I oughta give some love to the vampire ladies. Those dark damsels of distress. Those chilling chicks of the chase. So, I started thinking. And thinking. And thinking.

And here's the things: I'm so sorry boys. There just are not as many great female vampire characters for your drooling enjoyment as we ladies have. It's a pity, really. I did, however, manage to come up with

Katherine the Curly

Five Vampire Vixens of Film, Screen and Page

1. Katherine Pierce - The Vampire Diaries - Nina Dobrev (actress) - You can tell it's her, because she has curly hair. Seriously, how have the brothers not noticed that if Elena has decided to wear her hair curly, it's probably not really her, but her doppelganger, Katherine? In any case, Katherine is the one who sired the brothers, she's the one who's made Mystic Falls all vamp-paranoid, she's the reason for the Council, and she's nothing but trouble. But she's fun. And she's crazy. And she's only out for herself.

2. Star - The Lost Boys - Jami Gertz (actress) - Again, Star is the reason why all the bad stuff happens. If only she had stuck close to Keiffer, where she clearly belonged. Fun fact, Star grew up to move in next to aliens.

3. Drusilla - Buffy the Vampire Slayer - Juliet Landau (actress) - How do I count the crazy? But what Drusilla lacks in sanity and clear reason, she makes up in ruthlessness, murderous rage and freakin' weirdness. Is there nothing creepier than Dru dancing around underground playing with her creepy dolls?

Saving the world, one meal...
I mean, Man at a time.

4. Lenore - Supernatural - Amber Benson (actress) - As I was doing my research, I noticed a couple of things: mainly, that vamp girls are crazy-pants. I don't just mean a little. I mean, completely off the deep end of reason. And I wanted to balance this with Lenore. Even though she's only a two-episode character. Lenore is one of the good ones. Where ones equals people-killing monster. Actually, she doesn't kill people. And she's built a little coven of like-minded bloodsuckers. This is one of the first times that the boys trust a monster. And trust her they do. After she thoroughly convinces them that she's not eating anyone, they help her elude another hunter and tell her to get her gang and get gone. A few seasons later, Castiel kills her at her own request and for just a moment, you can see how hard it is for the boys to lose her little corner of hope.

5. Lara Raith - Dresden Novels - Jim Butcher (author) - I don't have a picture of Lara, because she never made it to series, but since White Court Vampires, in the Dresdenverse, are basically sex vampires, I think it's safe to say that she's pretty. She's also basically running the white court while letting boys play like they're important. Manipulative, but honest. Cruel, but fair. And someone who gets what she wants, to hell with the cost - Lara is a pretty amazing little lady. And she'd probably kill me slowly for calling her a little lady.

Who have I missed? Who are your favorite ladies of the night?

The Day After Yesterday

I don't think you're supposed to look so cheerful.
Aren't you goth?

Better.
Quit that now. You look old.

Hey, Minnie. Fix your sweater.

Yes, you are so beautiful.
Fix your sweater.

My little goblins.
(Fix your sweater)