Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Let me Catch You Up

They are black and pink. In other words, they match my hair.
Dja miss me?

I've been, um... away. Let's go with that. So, here's what you missed:

  • I had surgery. I got stabbed in the stomach a couple of times with a laser beam, which is cool in a living in the future kind of way, but totally uncool in the way that it broke my 35 year no stitches streak. This was about the pain thing I talked about a while ago and what they found was bad news, but not very bad news.
  • The good news is everything is perfectly benign and I could live the rest of my life in excruciating pain and be totally okay, because it's not serious. 
  • The bad news is that if I don't want to live the rest of my life in excruciating pain, I'm going to have to go ahead and have a couple of organs yanked out of my body. This will be done with a combination of laser beams and robots. I am totally living in the future. Once upon a time surgery performed with lasers and robots was strictly Science Fiction. Now it just looks like really scary Science Fiction.
  • I bit the bullet and got glasses. Real ones, not readers. The readers made me dizzy. These make it hard to drive after dark. Considering that thanks to daylight savings* I am doing most of my driving in the dark, this has proven to be challenging. Someone with glasses tell me that that lens flare thing that headlights do will get better.
  • I gave up Coke for Lent for three days. Then, my pastor mentioned giving up self-criticism and I decided that I needed a life without self-criticism more than I needed a life without Coke. I'm pretty much failing at this too, but I'm trying really hard.
  • Brynna got glasses too. Whereas I am "slightly" far-sighted, Brynna is "really, very" near-sighted and also has astigmatism. None of this is surprising because that's exactly what's wrong with her dad's vision and he got glasses in the second grade, so she's actually held out longer than I suspected. 
  • I taught myself how to knit. Me and YouTube make a pretty deadly pair. I'm not good at it or anything, but I am capable. This weekend, I'm going to start my first ever knitting pattern, so watch out for that. 
  • Between recovery, busy life, depression and pain, my house looks like no one lives there but the dog. The dog has excellent taste in furnishings, but is a lousy housekeeper. I was standing in my kitchen last night at 10:00, when I finally got home,** and I realized that I will be cleaning for the next two weeks straight. It's terrifying.

*You can thank me whenever for not writing my annual bitching-about-daylight-savings-post.

**Shh. Don't tell my kids' teachers. Really, we are almost always home before bedtime. Last night was a weird, weird fluke.


Suze said...

Oh my. Good luck with the mystery medical issue. I am so sorry and I'll be thinking of you.
My good friend was miserable most of the fall with what she thought was acid reflux and turned out to be gallstones. She is now gall bladder-less and much happier.
I like the glasses. Glasses are cool. I've been wearing them for almost 30 years ;)

Elizabeth said...

Well, you've been productive, to say the least! I loved this post -- it made me laugh -- except for the part about your surgery and pain.

Jessi said...

Suze - You rock the glasses. Always have. Thanks for the support. I'm nervous, but I can't wait for the pain to be gone.

Elizabeth - I'm glad I made you laugh. And I didn't really think of it as productivity, but when you put it that way, I feel a lot better about myself. :)

Meesh said...

You're back! Yay! ;)

Jessi said...

Meesh - Thanks! It's good to be missed.